blog
enable autoplay sound for bg music
this will be a MESS dear lord
gonna put random stuff here! what stuff you ask? who knows! even i do not know that!
im gonna make like. a sjitty tags system. ill write "tags" on evry post n u can use ctrl+f to search
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havent written anything here in a while
here we go i guess
i wanna be in a band so bad. i mean im sorta in a band but we never rehearse and stuff keeps coming up but i rlly hope we do soon
playing music w other ppl is genuinely so fun and i miss the like. two times we practiced successfully
i think im js kinda burned out with everything at least in the last few weeks to months. speaking of that i js realised ive been working on this site for nine whole months which is honestly crazy
im probably gonna think this thing is cringe in a few yrs and delete most of it but idc rn! its like i can put a tiny piece of myself somewhere to. keep it safe sorta
guess ill be able to look back on it and think 'wow i was Stupid! crazy!'. ppl say dont put too much personal info on the internet but ehhhh im sure its fine
16/09/2024 - 9:30 PM
tags: idk this tag system sucks
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look at this awesome fucking rat.
HELL fucking yes. HOLY FUCK. I love this rat. 
11/07/2024 - 4:13 PM
tags: awesome fucking rat
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just sequenced hte human genome
its surprisingly easy dude u can just download that shit
i have a whole ass person sitting in my downloads folder what the hell
anyway theres like a billion cats in ur genes so thats awesome
20/06/2024 - 11:26 PM
tags: weird ass nerd shit???
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long overdue update
Right. So a lot of shit has happened in the last few weeks, and I haven't had time or motivation to update this in a long while, but I am forcing myself to do it for the sake of preserving things from my shitty memory.
It was my birthday on the 26th last month. It was relatively uneventful, though I couldn't say that I don't regret doing nothing for it. Not that I did nothing on that day, but that's another story. That story being the one I'm about to recount.
I haven't really talked to my friends much recently, for... multiple reasons, but at the time we had been planning to meet up somewhere, do something for a while. It had been intended to happen a few weeks before, but circumstances had changed and we had moved it to that day.
It hadn't gone well in terms of organization, and we essentially scheduled it on the same day it happened, so I wasn't surprised that it didn't go entirely as planned, if a bit disappointed. Only one other person had shown up, and after waiting for a bit longer in the consistent drizzle of Auckland winter, we figured the others weren't coming and left.
There wasn't much to particularly make note of: we went around the place, walked on the beach a bit, found a weird-looking shop somewhere and bought a poster containing several large, angry vegetables. And that was that. It hit me about a week later that another year of my life had gone by, and I'd still made nothing of it. A bit depressing of a thought, but not particularly unusual. I wonder if at some point I'll stop thinking how much better last year is when I know that last year I was thinking how much better the year before that was.
After that I ended up home from school for a week with both the flu and some kind of stomach disease. Not particularly pleasant. There isn't much to say about it.
On the Friday of that week, I let my dad borrow my laptop for something and he somehow broke it. That was... the primary reason I haven't updated this at all in a few weeks, but to be fair I had other methods too, I just didn't really have the motivation. The Funky Brain Depression State came back with something of a vengeance, so I was spending most of the time sitting on my bed staring blankly at the ceiling rather than doing anything.
I had exams this week. I didn't study much for them, but I'm pretty sure I passed all but math. I don't really mind though, as long as my dad doesn't metaphorically boil me over it or anything.
And that's about it. Not really sure what I was meaning to do with this, I started it at 12 PM but it's been a good twelve hours since then and I can't remember much of the reason.
14/06/2024 - 12:09 AM
tags: proper grammar monologue, pretentious as hell, woe is me my life is so boring
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moved to privater page
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words cannot describe how much i love the work of simon stålenhag
back in january i found two of his books in an old second-hand store down in hastings, my grandma helps run it so we usually go there when visiting. they were two dollars each if i remember correctly, which is possibly the best deal i have got on anything in my entire life. i'd been looking for the damn things for years with no luck, and here they were, in a place i never would've otherwise thought to check. not that i was complaining, of course.
when i read them the first time, i remember being in awe of the paintings on the pages. still am, honestly - they're nothing short of (pardon the lack of verbosity) absolutely fucking beautiful.
yesterday i decided to pick one of them, the electric state, up off my shelf again, since i had just finished the trilogy i'd been reading for a bit (note to self in future: write somethin about that too), but this time i paid a bit more attention to the words.
i am so glad i did. the writing style's not particularly wordy, and it doesn't spare too much on details - but every word is chosen purposefully, and despite the shorter length the scenes are so intensely poignant and emotional that they plunged straight into my beating heart and took up a permanent corner. the quiet moments are so.. sweet and personal, despite the world around them, and hearing the story of michelle and amanda makes the whole otherworldly situation feel so immensely human that sometimes you forget about the giant robots walking through the streets. and when it wants to make something hurt, it does. i genuinely don't think i've had this much of an emotional reaction to the story of a book in years.
simon stålenhag, you are a genius. rant over.
22/05/2024 - 2:06 pm
tags: books, rant
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ew i was gross and cringey last night
ignore everything i said its AWFUL i even used punctuation
21/05/2024 - 8:53 am
tags: misc
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moved to privater page
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hades 2 is awesome, music stuff + complaining
hades 2 released last week and MAN i love this game. nearly beat scylla (oceanus boss!!) on my last run, but she killed me when she had 2 HEALTH LEFT!! thats notfair. oh well. nyway. the whole things SO GOOD. entire soundtrack is BANGERS, the art is aweosme though im kinda disappointed with the slight style change since hades 1
the new weapons feel GREAT tho (except for you, umbral flames) n the time slow arcana is possibly the best thing to happen to videogames since ultrakill
on an unrelated note, ive been working on music stuff recently!! still kinda suck at it, but im improving at composition stuff!! just. dont ask to hear any of it. ill die. rn its basically just "copying" post rock stuff i like, but its beginning to sound... nearly okay!!
once again unrelated, but i feel like writing some stuff thats been. reallyannoying. school fucking SUCKS. somehow i ended up in zone for a signle sex school after moving and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ina non personal way i HATE teenage boys aisoefhsidjfghnfkjgbsndf
i dont mean like ALL or anythigng idk hard to explain [anguish emoji]
ok thats notreally all or most of it i just dont know how to get the rest intowords
i know nobodys gonna read these so im. sorta using it as a journal / stuff for future self to look back on
17/05/2024 - 9:02 pm
tags: misc, videogames, music, vent, rant
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just spent a week straight barely sleeping
unfortunately not the first time this year! it was worth it tho. had an assignment for science to make a presentation so me n some friends decided to make a whole ass visual novel instead
thinkin of putting times on these blogs too. itll probably make it a bit less messy chronologically.
i also fuckin LOVE that cuz this is just a bunch of paragraphs i can go back n retcon shit. you can bet your actively decomposing ass that im gonna use this to fuck with people
17/05/2024 - 6:30 pm
tags: misc, gamedev, sleep-deprived but not a rant
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UPDATING SO HARD RN
UPLOADING those arts! INSERTING those arts into pages!
sooooo tired now tho. htis might be a bad idea
07/05/2024, but even later
tags: update, sleep-deprived but not a rant
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messing up my sleep schedule AGAIN
its worth it tho dw im on the GRIND updating this WEBSITE... that nobody will ever see. smh.this is my fifth day in a row sleeping after midnight ooooough
u can tel what parts r being up;dated late at night by the typging style btw O(isoidn like im drunk pls believe me i do not consume sopoforic liquids)
07/05/2024, but later n shit
tags: update, sleep-deprived rant
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first thing here blah blah blah
i am going to find a proper blog system eventually!!! unfortunately most currently require Neocity+ Pro Max Premium. sad.. until then this is just going to be an ever-expanding mess of < p > < /p >s!! i am going to regret this later but i do not care ::]
07/05/2024
tags: update, first one, un-sleep-deprived rant